After his divorce Jan felt lonely and wanted to find a new partner. However he doubted he was able to do it: “I don’t like to present myself and compete with others at the dating market. Which woman would possibly like my bald head?”
His neighbour Susan was also single and insecure: “I am too skinny and not pretty enough for men to like me. I am not interesting enough to stand out of the crowd.” They secretly liked each other but…
When they accidentally met on the street, both quickly looked down and quietly passed one another. Every night they were sleeping alone at the opposite sides of the same wall. The wall of insecurities. Both were thinking: “I feel like I am the only ones with this problem!” If only were they able to accept their own little imperfections, they could have already been enjoying a glass of wine on a teras together.
GOOD LOOKING AND ATTRACTIVE IS NOT THE SAME
Attraction makes the difference when we are deciding whether an interesting man can be your potential partner or just a friend. Same applies from men’s point of view. If we were not born looking like a supermodel, we can mistakenly assume that our body will prevent us from being attractive to men.
In a study, group of women were rating, how attracted do they feel to different men. Surprisingly the best looking men received lower attraction score than expected. The reason was that the women were subconsciously considering whether the man would be also kind. They didn’t get this impression from some of the best looking men.
According to another study, conducted by dating app Tinder, people assess the attractiveness of potential dates not solely on the physical body, but also according to the feeling they get from the picture. They try to assess whether the person would be a good match. They do this intuitively based on the style of the picture, background, colors, group setting versus individual activity. Picture of somebody walking a dog on a quiet beach gives a completely different impression than a picture of somebody high fiving a friend at a rock concert.
The way our body looks like certainly plays a role in the attractiveness, but is not the only decision factor. Good looking and attractive is not the same. So what are the other features of attractiveness?
ATTRACTION FEATURES IN A BOX
Imagine a man who drags his feet on the ground, with a slouched back, staring on the ground. Next to him walks in a swift way another man, with his head up. When your eyes accidentally meet, he smiles. Which one would be more attractive?
While you can’t easily change your body, you have a lot of control over other attraction features: the type of words you use, facial expression, body posture, color choice and mental attitude. All these affect your attractiveness and tell something about your current “energy frequency“.
How to quickly read basic clues about attraction
- Physiology clues: Low energy is associated with bent posture, limited eye contact, shallow breathing. High energy is associated with straight posture, relaxed face, smile and relaxed movements.
- Color clues: Low feminine energy is associated with wearing grey, black and plain clothes, as if the woman wanted to be invisible. Women reduce their noticeability by selecting colors and style traditionally used by men. High energy is associated with wearing colorful and feminine clothes, accessories and hairstyle that shows the woman feels good in her skin.
- Emotional clues: Low energy is associated with being anxious, sad, angry, jealous, depressed. High energy is associated with being excited, creative, sociable, funny, curious and playful.
Studies have shown that when we change our physiology, it also has an effect on our mental state. For example standing in a victorious posture and smiling will affect how you feel. That makes physiology a powerful tool on the way to “high energy zone” and to increase attractiveness.
HOW IT LOOKS LIKE IN REAL LIFE
I decided to use myself as a guinea pig to show you the difference.
VERY LOW ENERGY DAY – SPARKLE IS GONE
HIGH ENERGY DAY – WITH SPARKLE IN THE EYES
I wish I can say I always had only great days with high energy, but that is not true. During some difficult period I really felt like I wanted to be invisible. I noticed about myself the color clues, that I mentioned. You can see on the left, the attraction is completely gone and on the right it is there…
HOW TO USE PHYSIOLOGY TO INCREASE YOUR SEX-APPEAL
A super booster to your sex-appeal is a combination of confidence and approachability. There is a way how to use your physiology to increase both confidence and approachability. For this I created an exercise called “Confidence with a smile”.
Confidence With a Smile Exercise©
The exercise consists of three parts.
- Color clues: Dress in a way that makes you feel good and attractive (elicits confidence). Dress in a feminine way, this shows you are embracing your gender. In the times of emancipated women, looking feminine is especially attractive to men.
- Physiology clues: Look at yourself in the mirror with a big smile and then walk outside on the street, where there are a lot of people. Walk slowly and relaxingly, breathe slowly and deeply and smile. (elicits confidence and approachability)
- Emotional clues: Walk like you own the street and people there, are your guests. (elicits confidence and hospitality) Look people in the eyes and smile as you are meeting them. Smile at all, young and old, everybody without an exception. See how many smiles you get back.
On one side this exercise requires to step out of your comfort zone. On the other side, every smile you get, will make your day nicer. People will start noticing you. This is a simple but yet complex exercise that will make you stand out of the crowd. Practice it regularly until it becomes comfortable. The purpose isn’t to pick up random guys, but to increase your confidence and approachability. That way you have it available when you need it.
WARNING: It could happen to you, men will abandon their restaurant dinner and will chase after you as it happened to me. Two second smile can do a lot. Have fun with it.
In case you are not quite ready for the full version, start with just the walking part, later add smile, then add looking at people and finally add the emotional part of owning the street and having guests.
Confidence, approachability and also happiness are signs of high energy zone. The following is a story what can happen in reality when high energy shines out of you.
WHO ELSE WANTS TO KNOW HOW I MOVED FROM ZERO TO EIGHT DATING PROPOSALS IN THREE WEEKS
After completing some stressful certification exams, there was a period when I felt particularly happy and relaxed. I looked at people and smiled just because I was in a good mood. For the rest I haven’t changed anything. I had still the same body.
I was surprised to get feedback in the form of increased attractiveness. I had eight dating proposals in the period of three weeks from complete strangers on the street, in the subway and at the train station. All because I felt particularly happy during this period. Men found me approachable and were not afraid to start the conversation. One man reported he had seen me for several months on the train but this was the time he decided to talk to me.
I noticed the contrast. When I am in the low energy level, busy in my own head, people don’t talk to me. After this experience I realised I don’t need to be afraid of being alone. I just need to get myself to that high energy level. Everything else will fall in place.