Maribel was exhausted and depressed by her unsuccessful search for a man. She posted her question to the women’s forum: “What is wrong with my profile, since nobody has showed any interest in six months? Below is her profile.
I am just a normal girl…
I am 43, divorced. I don’t have any children. I am mid height, ok looking. I like reading, cooking and I have a cat. I have an office job. I am a sociable person. I have been disappointed in life but I am ready to start over.
I am looking for that special someone to brighten my days and enjoy the life together. Once I meet you I promise I will make you my first and only priority in life. We will spend all the time together and have fun. I will do anything for you to make you happy.
You need to be financially independent, mature, responsible and have all your issues resolved. I don’t need a man who can’t take care of himself. If you have children they need to be out of your house and independent. If you are interested, write me about yourself.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
What feeling do you get about Maribell? Can you tell what is wrong with this profile?
Normal girl, ok looking – sounds like a woman who has under average opinion of herself, not much self confidence
Hobbies such as reading, cooking and a cat are very generic. While many people including myself enjoy these things, it sounds quite boring and definitely doesn’t stand out when men read several profiles.
Talking about being disappointed gives a bitter feeling and doesn’t promise much fun.
Waiting for somebody else to brighten my days gives a heavy feeling of expectation from the potential partner, and a sense of sadness.
While the previous items didn’t get much interest of the men, the following is a total killer:
Promise to make the man her first and only priority in life – while this was meant as a good hearted intention, it is suffocating to have somebody there 24/7 without any other interest in life.
I don’t need a man who…These types of statements are negative, unfriendly and point out bad experiences of the woman that she still hasn’t gotten over.
Financial requirement, especially related to the potential children of the man sounds petty minded. While it is understandable she doesn’t want to sponsor life of several other people, dating profile is not the place to start the discussion about the organisation of the finances.
TO SUMMARISE THE TOP 5 MISTAKES OF A DATING PROFILE
1. Starting introduction in a negative way. Example “I don’t want / need a man who….” Another example is making undermining statements about yourself, like “I am only….. / I am an average woman” or “I haven’t had much luck with men so far….” Instead say something nice and interesting about yourself.
2. Using a picture together with the previous boyfriend – while this should be obvious, many women actually don’t realise how big turn off this is. Use picture of yourself, possibly doing some activity you like, which can steer an interesting discussion.
3. Coming across as a bitchy diva. Many women use as a motto such as of Marilyn Monroe: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” While Marilyn, a professional seductress, player and idol of many men can get away with such statements, most women can’t. Men don’t get any idea of your BEST yet, but can already worry about your WORST.
4. Sounding like desperate, depressed, needy or controlling. Most men look for someone to ENJOY the life with, not to SUFFER with. Would you like to date yourself? Steer curiosity about you with a hint of a fun life they could have with you.
5. Writing too much. Keep it light, give a few highlights about yourself and save the most for later. Men will anyway first look at your picture, whether you look sympathetic, whether you smile, and only later they might become interested in your life story.
A good dating profile can make a difference in the number of the men that want to meet you and increase the chances that you will like one of them. To find out how to write an eye catching bio and filter only the interesting men online, check out my article: How to filter out a great man on Tinder