They were all around me, I could not avoid seeing them. Happy couples, hugging, holding hands walking together on the streets on a sunny day, drinking a cup of coffee, standing in the line for ice-cream, laughing. And then, there was me. I divorced thirty plus year old woman, living alone in Belgium, already two years without a man. Sleeping alone night after night. Having coffee by myself. It really disturbed me I couldn’t enjoy the same what they had.
As much as I wanted to have a partner in my life, something was holding me back. I wasn’t ready to get out there and put myself on the “market”. I rather kept virtual connection with men living in different continents or considered whether to go back to my ex-boyfriend. Sometimes I told myself I was happy like that, I didn’t really need anybody. And when there was somebody interested in me, I said I wasn’t ready to push them away. I was sabotaging my chances for a real relationship and I didn’t see it at all.
Until one day. A friend of mine, asked me why a young, pretty woman like me was alone. She recommended to me to register on Tinder, because it worked well for her. I was still skeptical but curious to hear her story.
Amelie was divorced, 49 years old executive of large corporation and spent almost ten years alone, until she decided to figure out what was holding her back from dating. Soon after that she met the love of her life. She had butterflies in her stomach like a teenager. Two years later they got married. She is living her dream in the suburb of Paris.
To read more about how to figure out what is holding you back from dating, read my article
After hearing her story I started to wonder whether she was right and I should do something. A few months later I finally reached a point, where I decided I wanted to have a husband and a family and that I was ready to take action.
I made up my mind that nobody would choose me, but I would choose who ever I wanted. I will not wait to be picked up, I will be in charge of the selection. And no more long distance relationships, no more lengthy time spent in cyber discussions, it has to be a real person from my area. I registered on Tinder and the game started. Like, dislike, like, dislike. Soon I had dozens of potential matches.
I got men contacting me, writing one over another. All same boring stuff. How are you, bla bla. I realized it was quite time consuming answering these questions and I didn’t feel a connection with anybody. I got overwhelmed by it and shut the computer down.
A few days later I opened the app again with a new strategy. I wrote a short bio about unusual and interesting experiences from my life and sent it to a few that I considered attractive. This was my main filtering technique that proved very useful. Some men replied something like “this is the longest message I have ever seen” or “I don’t have anything similar to say like your stories”. Some just didn’t reply at all. For most this was the beginning and at the same time end of our discussion. The beauty about online dating is a numbers game. I don’t care about the twenty men who get intimidated by me because of what I wrote, I care about the few who can come back with something interesting.
To find out how to write an eye catching bio, download my free e-book
The result was spectacular. I had 2-3 dates every week with a different man for three weeks. Some of dates they proposed, others I proposed myself if I considered the man interesting enough. I wanted to have a good selection before committing to a single person.
It was a lot of fun meeting all the people, getting to know them, debating life experiences. While not every person was be a suitable match for me, I enjoyed meeting all of them. They were all interesting in their own way, they all wanted to impress me by something. A business man wanted to pay for my flight to visit him in California, an engineer offered to take me for a flight on his hobby plane and a IT designer invited me for a concert. A few of them were clearly players – smooth men who would break your heart. Luckily, I can separate them from the rest. To find out more about players vs good guys, read the article below.
Because of my simple filtering technique, I had completely different experience than what many women complain about. I had no guys wasting my time, using me as their free psychologist to unload tons of their personal problems, neither have I had anybody asking rude questions like the size of my breast or whether I wanted to hook up for the night. Additionally I haven’t been stuck on boring dates, where I would want to run away in the middle of it. Most men knew I was out of their league and we never met. Which is OK with me. On the other hand, several of the ones I met, really wanted to have relationship with me. All of them contacted me back after the first date and wanted to arrange more dates. I wasn’t getting attached to anybody at this point, I assumed they were also meeting multiple women and only time would show when exclusive relationship was appropriate. By not caring too much, rather taking it as a fun experience, I could be more myself, relaxed and not easily hurt by any particular man.
Eventually I stopped meeting men when I realized in the middle of a dinner date, I was thinking of somebody else. I would have rather been with that person, instead of the new guy sitting in front of me. Only then I made a choice to give it a try with the man I liked the most. Smiley, sweet and funny man with a good heart, who carried me away with his ambitious life visions and a great dancing talent, which is one of my big passions.
In the meetings I came across as a confident and an interesting woman. One man commented that I was a “quality person” which is hard to find. Another one was really disappointed when I didn’t give him a chance to meet again and as his last convincing attempt he told me he was envisioning me as his ideal wife and future mother of his children and really wanted to show me he would be a great partner to me.
The man I chose, later admitted he was amazed by my feminine moves and while he considered me out of his league he decided he would do everything to have me in his life and took immediate action to get another date with me. One and half year later, he asked me to marry him. I said yes. 🙂
As flattering as this sounds, it wasn’t always the case. I had to learn a lot before being able to get the men excited like this. I used to be shy and underestimating myself. I used to try too hard to please others and felt often unappreciated and taken advantage of. The more I tried, the more they took me for granted. Only when they lost me they realized what a great woman they had. But by then it was too late. Meanwhile I was the one in tears, alone and upset.
Until one day, when I decided to figure out why some women get what they want, while others don’t. I did an extensive research and later I wrote a book, where I share details about how to be the woman that men are excited to date and explaining the steps how to meet a great man online. Below are the highlights. If you want the full version, explaining how to do each step, download my e-book here:
- Decide whether you really want to date and eliminate excuses why it wouldn’t work for you
- Decide what you are looking for.
YOU select who do you want and not being just wait for being selected by somebody who isn’t quite your type.
3. Make opportunities for yourself.
Register on a dating site as well as on other social events sites for singles and commit to attend at least one event per month. Start doing group activities in the area of your interest, where you can meet potential partners. Don’t wait only for the “natural” opportunities. We live in 21st century, internet connections are now considered a new form of “natural” opportunity. 🙂
4. Show your best in your dating profile
To read more how to avoid the pitfalls of dating profile, read the article
5. Take action – meet the potential candidates
A two hour date will show you more, that hundred messages of “How are you?” Don’t waste your time texting back on forth for months. Try to select possible matches and meet in real life. In case you find somebody interesting, it is ok to propose the date yourself. Remember you are in control of the selection.
6. Smartly avoid the risk of online dating
Take the usual precaution, meet only in public places where there are a lot of other people. Don’t entertain anybody who uses inappropriate pictures, sexually suggestive language or hints abusive behavior. Under no circumstances exchange any naked pictures over the internet with unknown man, which could be used against you. Be aware of online romance scams and be alert if somebody you haven’t met asks you for money.
7. Have fun exploring
Don’t get discouraged if the first, the second or even the tenth men you meet isn’t exactly what you were hoping for. As long as you are having fun, it is good. Remember this is a statistical game, the more men you meet, the higher the chance of meeting Mr. Right.
Ready to give it a try? Or do you prefer to read up on the strategies? Check out more tips in my free e-book.